Voltron: Car edition
by DarkLunar1312
Summary: Hunk and Lance were off to shop, but the two encounter a problem. Lance throws a hissy fit, and the only way to fix said problem is to preform a reverse break-in. Lance is not happy about the shopping trip delayed, but he gets his revenge. Featuring: the Paladins, Allura, Shay, and Rax. Modern AU where the Paladins live together. Crossposted on AO3


Lance sulks in the passenger seat as Hunk drives on the right hand side of the highway. He turns the radio volume up before scowling out the window. He looks at Hunk from the corner of his eye occasionally.

Hunk sighs, catching his fleeting glance before he concentrates on the cars around him. "Lance, I know you're upset, but Keith was kind of freaking out about not having gas in his car."

"Well why can't he get gas before he went to work? Instead of cutting in our shopping time." Lance complains before fiddling with the radio. "You know, I could get us th-"

"No!" Hunk swerves a bit but manages to stay in his lane. "Literally every time you're behind the wheel I hurl. Freaking speed demon is what you are." He mutters the last part before giving saying, "Would you stop with the channel flipping?"

"Hunk sweetheart, my friend, my bro, everyone's favorite Hunkleberry. You are the mom to us rambunctious children."

"Please this is not going to be a thing." Hunk pleads as he takes the exit off the highway.

"Which one? Mom or Hunkleberry? Because both of them are like a thing."

"No they're not," he weakly protests.

"Uh yeah they are." Lance gives the driver a look, "you are literally the mom of the group. You remind us with Space Dad about cleaning our rooms and helping us out with our problems. Not to mention you make the best food in the entire world, save my mom of course."

"I do do that, don't I?" Hunk says, nodding his head.

"Not to mention I got your girlfriend to call you Hunkleberry."

"You did what?" Hunk exclaims, his cheeks are slightly red.

"Hey I'm a romantic. It was that or Hunkalicious, and I'm going old school with the pet names. Maybe I should tell Shay-"

"No, just stop Lance. I don't want you to ruin Shay's innocence even though she is adorable when she flushes. Not to mention when Rax hears about that, he is going to castrate me."

"Dude, chill. Nothing's going to happen on Rax's end, Shay can call you Hunkalicious."

"Lance, do not even joke about that." Hunk said, his pitch rising in panic.

Lance's lips twitch and he notices that they are close to the mall. "Fine fine. Ruin my fun why don't you." He grumbles half-heartedly.

"At the expense of not being torn limb from limb? Yes."

"Sooo why couldn't Keith, you know, get gas earlier? We were literally at the movies, and we could have stopped by those six gas stations on the way to the house."

"We did cut it close to his schedule."

"Hey, it was Shiro's idea that we all stay together to watch Galaxy Arena. At least I got to sit next to Allura."

"Yeah. After complaining about how horrible it would be if you didn't sit next to her on the gory parts. Said something like 'You can hold on tight, I'll protect you Starlight,' and when the parts came, you were clutching onto her when the warrior princess cho-"

Lance stops his friend right there, "Okay no need to hash that out. Ugh" He scrunches his nose, "just seeing what she did to all those aliens was disgusting. Don't think I didn't hear you screaming like you got stabbed."

"One, if I'm stabbed, I would be cursing and running away. Two, I did not scream."

"Really because I distinctly remember you screaming 'Oh god her body!' And I was just shouting and grabbing Al-I mean I was holding Allura if she needed some kind of reassurance." He aptly covers his blunder. Hunk snorts as he goes into the mall entrance around the loop. "So where exactly is his car?"

"Somewhere around the Tai food restaurant." Hunk says as he cruises down the parking lot.  
"There it is, now to find his car."

"There's got to be like five grey Toyotas here, and we don't know where he parked." He complains.

"You could call him," Hunk suggests and Lance sighs at his innocent friend.

"No can do buddy, I got something planned."

"Do I even want to know?"

"I'll tell you later, but it's going to be hil-a-ri-ous~"

"Don't antagonize him that much Lance. You two literally made up after the whole pancake race, which you two didn't clean the syrup stains from the ceiling that good."

"That was literally today."

"Yeah and when summer rolls around and I will still smell that. All those flies and mosquitos." Hunk shivers for extra measure.

"You're anxious," Lance snaps his finger. Something was bothering him about Hank's mood today.

"What are you talking about?"

"You're snappy mood."

"I just want you guys to clean the ceiling."

"No, you weren't like this after we sort of cleaned it. Not even before the movie when me and Pidge sang Toxic. Or after when we got ice cream and ran around the place. It was like, 'Lance stop,' that's like a half shout or something. Half-heartedly of course. Just like usual."

"Phpt let's just find where the grey Toyota with a DVR."

"Oh my God, you're nervous about finding Keith's car."

"Well now I am. It's not in this lot. The grey Toyota DVR isn't here."

"Hunk chill, you took your meds right?"

"Yeah. They're on the counter in the kitchen."

"Okay. Good. Now the car might be in NorthStar mall. If it's there then we'll go to the next on." He wouldn't mind staying in there a bit. Pick up a new pair of pants or some Cologne. He hates that he can't splurge on what he wants. It's the many pains of being a poor college student.

"We are not going to NorthStar today," Hunk firmly states. He looks at Lance, "No use in going inside and crying since you can't buy anything "

"But window shopping is the best thing," He whines. "You do it too when we pass by the home appliances section, or when we stop by the mechanic shop for 'maintenance.'"

"You do the same for all the beauty products or those clothes sales."

"At least it's within my range," Lance sulks.

"Come on. Help me look for it."

"'K." He signs, resigned to finding Keith's shifty car.

"That it?" Lance points out.

"No. Oh wait there it is!"

"Where?"

"See the Sudan and the Mustang, right between there."

"I still d-Oh! Sweet a parking space! Hunk get out, you get out and get Keith's car out." At wicked plan forms in his head.

"Why? I can just park then we both get out to his car."

"Yeah buuut do you really want your buddy to try to find his car? I mean it took us forever to find it. Just want to make sure we get back here with a parking spot ya know. Parking's hard to find in NorthStar ya know."

"Careful your Keith impersonation is leaking. He's not here and unless someone is planning something," Hunk trails off, "Well. You get my point."

"Psha. For shame Hunkleberry for shame. Tis I, the dashingly handsome Lancelot, imparting my words of wisdom in hopes of maybe hopefully, come on begging on my knees hypothetically for window shopping."

"Lance. I said no, we came here for gas and to try on some clothes at the other mall. Maybe getting a smoothie, but I doubt it."

"Smoothies?!" Lance perks up, "Dude Hunk yes! Now get out of the car, get into Mullet's, and let's get this show on the road."

They switched cars, Hunk got Keith's Toyota from the spot and Lance parked Hunk's car in its place. Lance locks Hunk's car and slides into Keith's passenger seat, kicking a empty bag of chips.

"Ugh seriously no wonder Shiro gets on his case," he complains as he shoves bits of trash in a plastic bag. Lance then puts the sandwich coupons in the glove box. "So did Keith just mention he needed gas at the house or did he tell you?"

"He mentioned it after the movies. Shiro would do it if he didn't have to go to work."

"Isn't that after Keith left?"

"Yeah, but you know he was in a hurry."

Lance has to admit, once they all got home, Keith literally went to his room, got dressed, and left. He only heard the door slamming and he got out of his room to see what's up. He was taking care of some readings before he dragged Hunk to the mall, so he can get his pants before having a movie marathon with Pidge.

"Oh." Is his eloquent reply. Then Lance realized something, "The gas station was literally down the street. He could have gotten his gas here."

"You know Keith rarely goes anywhere, he probably hasn't seen this place before." Hunk says, defending their housemate.

"True." Lance concedes before getting out of the car. "You want anything inside?"

"We literally ate a few hours ago. Plus we're eating popcorn later." Hunk says.

"Keywords: hours and later. Well wait for me a bit."

Lance walks inside the store and strolls around the short aisles. He notices a bag of peanuts and grabs them. As he was heading down the aisle to the cashier, he notices the item he needed. Lance slips his hand into the box and grabs the candy bar before walking up to his cashier.

"Will that be all?" The woman asked after she scanned the two items. The numbers on the screen said $3.93.

"Maybe your heart." He winks after swiping his debit card.

The cashier gives him a side look before saying with a monotone. "Unfortunately my heart and body and soul belongs to the company. Unless you can free it..." She trails off, smirking at the end.

"Maybe I can try next week," Lance suggests, cocking his hip to the side as he smirks.

"Anytime between 4 and 9." She says, her lips contours into a small smile that most people have for their jobs.

"Great! The name's Lance, I'll be your shining armor." He points to himself, "But I can also be Lancelot to your Gwendolyn."

The cashier snorts after handing him his items, "You mean Guinevere instead of Gwen. I don't need a home wrecker in my life. You should read your literature before saying anything Casanova, especially to an English major."

Lance is lost for words. He should have gone for Romeo and Juliet instead of that ancient legend. "Lesson learned, thanks for schooling me miss," he says, trying to play it off. He grabs his bag, and hopes that his cheeks aren't flushed.

"Here's a tip," the cashier said as Lance was heading to the door, "Check if someone is single, and know your references."

Lance left the convince store and heads to Keith's car. He mumbles under his breathe, "Just one thing. At least I can reference Huckleberry right. Stick to anything not English. No wait that means I can't use Shakespeare."

"You okay?" Hunk inquires, as Lance slams the door and roughly puts his seat belt on.

"Yeah. Just, my pick up line didn't work." He sighs, as Hunk starts the car.

He looks at the coffee cup holder and sees a cup of pens and pencils. He grabs a red pen and leaves through his plastic bag to get his receipt. Tearing it, he starts to write down, "I love you Keith" with a big heart to the side when the car stops on the stop light.

"What are you doing?" Hunk asks, glancing at him from the corner of his eye.

"Trying to write down some good pickup lines," Lance lies as he makes his handwriting as bubbly as possible.

He knows for a fact that some girls like Keith. Who would willingly crush on that guy? Who would like someone with a mullet, but he guess they like the mysterious bad boy attire he has going for him. He even tried flirting with them, used Keith as a wingman, but four out of five girls in his classes seemed to like Mr. Emotionally Constipated.

He tried dissuading them, but some people never listen. He lives with the guy, and he knows that eighty percent of the time he is being a brooding ass; mix in with a competitive streak, angry, happy, and a pinch of a sense of humor that is so dry no one would want to touch it because it would suck the moisture out of their body. The last girl said he wasn't her type and he felt offended by that, he's Lance freaking McClain, he's everyone's type.

He thinks that she was jealous of his skin, no blemishes, and his skin is always glowing.

"Okay. Why don't you text Keith that we got him his gas."

"Got it." Lance taps his messages app and goes to Pidge's name.

Lance: Yo me & Hunk got Keefe gas. Gonna send a note were hell freek

"Did it," Lance bites the inside of his cheek as the two go into the mall parking lot.

The cars got switched out, and Lance was the one who parked Keith's car in its old spot. He left the Wix bar and ripped receipt on the seat. He saunters to the passenger side of Hunk's car and hands Hunk the spare key.

Lance's phone vibrates. He got a message. A quick glance shows that it is from Pidge.

MaiBoiP: Lol. I want smt

Lance: Satisf of Keefe frekng out

Lance: And $ 4 gam

He waits and reads Pidge's response.

MaiBoiP: Deal.

He couldn't stop himself from smiling. This is just perfect. Shiro doesn't come home until two from his bartending job, and the only ones who'll be awake is him and Pidge. Maybe Hunk if he doesn't want to get up early to make breakfast or tune up his car. Anyway, for certain he and Pidge will see Keith flipping his shit.

What a perfect way to end his day. He can take his mind off of his most recent failure, get some nice pants, maybe some Smoothies, binge movies, and see Keith being paranoid when he gets home around eleven.

Just perfect.

Hunk turns off the car's engine. "You seriously okay?"

"Yeah, just give me a sec." Lance tears oven the wrapping for the peanuts and dumps a fourth of it in his mouth. He chews and gets out the car and swallow before saying, "Come on. We got some clothes to try on."

The two get home around nine, Lance hangs up his new skinny jeans, and slacks. Hunk got a new dress shirt, one that he pick out for his best friend; the guy could not discrete between two clothes he wanted. He made the decision when he saw the way the thread inside was left out.

They made popcorn and claimed the area around the sofa as theirs. Well, Pidge did that as they claimed half the couch to themselves since they are lying down on it. Hunk took the last part and Lance got the spare twin mattress out. He hoarded most of the pillows and blankets, leaving one for Hunk and Pidge to share.

The three of them watched two movies, and when Hunk got up to refill their bowls Lance looked at Pidge.

"Did he call or text yet?"

"No, but he should see his car soon." Pidge said as they kept their eyes on the TV.

"He is going to flip his shit."

"I am so going to record it."

"Record what?" Hunk asked as he came in with two bowls of popcorn.

"New documentaries on the science channel," Pidge lies smoothly as they grab one bowl.

Lance makes a move to grab the other bowl, but Hunk keeps it out of reach. "I want a pillow, and we can share."

"Fine." Lance concedes, he drags the mattress closer to Hunk and hands him one of the fluffier pillows.

Hunk puts the bowl right beside him, and the two eat silently as they watch the movie.

It is around midnight when Hunk went to sleep, saying something about morning classes. Lance spalls on his mattress when Pidge's phone vibrates. They look at their phone, and types out a response. They text the other person for a few minutes, and Pidge snorts at the end.

"Keith is saying something about a stalker breaking into his car. Said she left some Wixt there, and a creepy note. He's looking through his whole car in case his stalker took some of his shit to add to her 'Keith shrine,' his words not mine." Pidge summarize and Lance is laughing.

"Oh my god Pidge! Holy crap, my sides. God." Lance finally says after laughing for a minute.

It was around one when Keith came home, and honestly Lance thought it was worth it. Keith's horrible hair was in disarray, he kept looking over his shoulder, and locking all four deadlocks. He completely forgot that Shiro would come in later on that night. He looked through the blinds in the kitchen. When he came into the living room, Lance was suddenly interested in the movie playing in front of him.

"You want to sit and watch with us Keith? Get your mind off of it?" Pidge suggests as Keith closes the blinds.

Lance put his hand over his mouth, so his grin won't be seen.

"No. I'm…just going to prepare." Keith said mechanically as he walks past them and goes down a small hall into his room.

Once he is gone, the two look at each other, and they snort. They try to stifle their mirth because Keith's room is literally on the other side of the living room wall.

Pidge and Lance finished watching their movie around three, and before that Shiro came home pounding on the door. Pidge got up to unlock it, where Shiro was grumbling about locking him out. Keith came bursting out of his room with his knife, promptly freaking out Shiro, Lance, and Pidge. He noticed Shiro when he ran into the kitchen, and then turned around to go to his room.

"What was that all about?" Shiro asked.

"Nothing." Pidge and Lance chorused together, both turning on their heels so the self-proclaimed dad of the group wouldn't see their smirks.

Everyone went to bed, and Lance thought he was in the clear. That is until he was in a rude awakening as something jumped onto his bed, and grabbed the collar of his pajamas.

"You asshole! I seriously thought someone broke into my car and took my things!" Keith yelled, and Lance cracks open his eyes.

It is too early to deal with loud noises. Not to mention he's getting a headache from Keith's rough handling.

"I didn't even know that Shiro gave Hunk the spare, and you left that creepy note!"

"Keith, it's too early," he whines. "I left you your favorite, and your car has gas. I even cleaned up that pigsty."

"I didn't sleep the whole night because of you," Keith seeths and Lance notices the dark bags under the other's eyes.

"Can't say that I can tell. In fact, it's an improvement."

Keith scowls and throws Lance back on his bed. He is half off his bed as Keith gets up and slams the door.

"Geez drama queen much." He mutters under his breath as he tries to get back to sleep. 


End file.
